If you’ve had a traumatic experience as a child and now find yourself struggling with challenging or painful dynamics in your relationships, you might discover profound insights by examining the archetypes at play.

How I Improved my Relationships and Reclaimed my Sovereignty through Archetypes. 

What has become true for me in the last two years is how those who trigger me most often occur to me as an archetype from my childhood. As I have adopted and worked with this idea, the more comfortable I have become with myself. It has been liberating recognising that any conflict here-and-now mirrors unresolved dynamics I experienced with parents or primary caregivers as a child. Where it used to take days to weeks, to process my feelings after a disagreement, it now takes minutes to hours. 

There are other contributing factors regarding the speed of recovery post-conflict, which I will cover in a future shame alchemy section. However, realising the archetypes I project, has been pivotal when it comes to deconstructing self sabotaging narratives.    

What Do I Mean by ‘Archetype’? 

In our natural state – we are humans being. How we occur to ourselves and others is a matter of perspective and relativity. While we might categorise ourselves or others, the truth is we have the capacity to choose how we show up in the world. We also have the capacity to choose how we see the world.    

This is important to keep in mind when it comes to dealing with people that we might consider threatening. I am not saying that people do not pose real threats. What I am saying is that if we want to experience the world from a place of inner strength or inner peace as creators of our own experience or as sovereign beings, then taking responsibility for our own experience is key. This includes the nature of our interactions. When we make our inner conflict about someone else’s behaviour, that’s on us. 

This is a mindset of course. But it is a powerful one that when applied as such, makes it easier to: 

• Express our needs and opinions authentically or without fear of conflict 

• Recover quickly after conflict

• Allow other people’s experience to be their experience 

I digress. Back to the point and what I mean by archetype. I am pointing to a character type that might fit a storyline – whether we are using fairytales or pathology to define the character – i.e. A Princess (fairytale), A Narcissist (pathology). If you ask me what I think in private – I’ll tell you we all are on a spectrum but again, how we choose to be, is how we choose to be and how we occur to others is how we occur to others.   

It’s not about the labels or the mechanism of applying them, as much as it is about understanding the story we told ourselves. It is about recognising self-sabotaging patterns. It is about what the experience mirrors back to us. And it is about reframing what no longer serves us as a belief or story and choosing a new pattern aligned with what we want to experience.  

If you had a parent who exhibited narcissistic, controlling or manipulative tendencies or behaviours that felt this way to you, and you haven’t yet come to terms with those childhood experiences, it’s likely that similar patterns will surface in your adult relationships. 

Without a strong sense of self-awareness, you may begin to perceive your partner or those closest to you as embodying the same traits, reacting to them in ways that echo your responses to your parent. In essence, you might unknowingly project an archetype from your past onto your current partner, interacting with them as though they were that original figure in your life. 

I am not saying they are not actually this way. They may well be. However, if you are projecting an archetype, you will most certainly see that archetype. In taking ownership of your experience and being aware of any projections – yours and possibly others- you will find that you are no longer deeply triggered by these behaviours. Therefore you will be less inclined to see conflict where expression lives. 

To test this principle, notice how your old patterns surface when living with a parent for an extended period. Or simply notice as an adult what upsets you in your relationships with those closest to you.        

A Real-Life Example

I knew someone who would end up in a raging argument with their ex at every conversation. She saw her ex as being highly manipulative and narcissistic. 

Eventually, she realised that the root of her frustration went back to her childhood and her relationship with her parent, whose behaviours had deeply impacted her. In recognizing this, she saw how she had been projecting the same archetype onto her ex, effectively keeping both of them locked in a cycle of pain.

The breakthrough came when she chose to see her role in the dynamic and allowed herself to release the belief that he was unchangeably or always manipulative and narcissistic. By shifting her perspective, she gave him the space to be viewed as more than the archetype she had imposed upon him. At the same time, she freed herself from the emotional grip of the dynamic.

Unconditional Love as Liberation

The turning point for her was remembering, at a soul level, that her ex was teaching her a profound lesson: how to break free of the limiting beliefs she had carried since childhood. She realised that true, unconditional love, including love for herself – could release them both from the cycle. This clarity allowed her to step back into her own power and take control of her life in a meaningful, empowered way.

By recognising the archetypes at play in your relationships and cultivating self-awareness, you can change how you engage with others. Whether the relationship transforms or you choose to move on, this process empowers you to heal childhood wounds and create healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Ultimately, archetypes are just mirrors with names. When we look past the story and into the reflection, we see the self that’s asking to be met. The human, being. That realisation is what shifts everything. 

What archetype might be showing up in your relationships right now, inviting you to see yourself differently?